Lately, I've been reflecting on the holidays as Thor and Ashton's birthdays are quickly approaching, and I came to a realization about grief. I feel that outside family and friends notice an absence most on the holidays, birthdays, and more significant occasions. In contrast, I find myself grieving more on random days.
Christmas, birthdays, and special events are days we plan for, days we know are coming, and days we know we won't have Ton around. The days that are the hardest for me are the random Monday when the boys do something silly, the Wednesday where Thor loses a tooth, or an evening when I can't figure out what to make for dinner and would love to see what he would throw together with what I have in the fridge.
Bryan and I moved to Boston right after I found out I was pregnant with Thor, and I was lucky enough that Ton was home from work for an injury, so most days revolved around FaceTiming an obnoxious amount of time. When we moved back an,d Thor was little, we continued our FaceTimes, and most mornings Thor and Papa would have breakfast together while I would unload the dishwasher. Those are the moments I notice he is gone. The days I set the boys up for breakfast and without thinking to go to set my phone up for a FaceTime when I remember again.
I can still hear his laugh as Thor would go on and on about something silly, or the way he would say, "just think, Sabrina, only 12 more hours of this," as Thor would be running laps around me at 7 in the morning.
Grief can hit you at the most random times and on the most random days, and while those days can be hard, I am so thankful to have all those memories that can flood my mind.