Updated: Feb 3
Lately, I've been reflexing back on the holidays as Thor and Ashton's birthdays are quickly approaching, and came to a realization around grief. I feel that outside family and friends notice an absence most on the holidays, the birthday, the larger occasions; where I feel that the immediate family involved notices grief more on the random days.
Christmas, birthdays, special events are days we plan for, days we know are coming and days we know we won't have Ton around. The days that are the hardest for me are the random Monday when the boys do something silly, the Wednesday where Thor loses a tooth, or an evening when I can't figure out what to make for dinner and would love to see what he would throw together with what I have in the fridge.
Bryan and I moved to Boston right after I found out I was pregnant with Thor and I was lucky enough that Ton was home from work for an injury so most days revolved around us FaceTiming an obnoxious amount of time. When we moved back and Thor was little we continued our FaceTimes and most mornings Thor and Papa would have breakfast together while I would unload the dishwasher. Those are the moments I notice he is gone. The days I set the boys up for breakfast and without thinking to go to set my phone up for a FaceTime when I remember again.
I can still hear his laugh as Thor would go on and on about something silly, or the way he would say "just think Sabrina, only 12 more hours of this" as Thor would be running laps around me at 7 in the morning.
Grief can hit you at the most random times and on the most random days and while those days can be hard I am so thankful to have all those memories that can flood through my mind.